


(Not) Getting Over Derek

by The Feels Whale (miscellea)



Series: Getting Over Derek [2]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, Rule 63 is the best rule!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 08:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miscellea/pseuds/The%20Feels%20Whale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allison picks up on the first ring and says, “Did you really crawl out the ladies room window of Jack’s Cosmic Dogs last night?”</p><p>Well, so much for hoping no one saw that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Not) Getting Over Derek

Allison picks up on the first ring and says, “Did you _really_ crawl out the ladies room window of Jack’s Cosmic Dogs last night?”

Well, so much for hoping no one saw that.

“If you’d had the evening I’d had by that point, you’d have done it too.” Stiles grumps and hauls one of the stuffed animals off the top of her bookshelf. Sometimes you just need something to cuddle, dammit, and since she is clearly not going to have a boyfriend to hold onto in the near future then her rainbow unicorn will just _have to do_. “If I was smart then I would have turned tail and run when I realized he thought a Marvel Zombies overshirt was totally appropriate first-date wear.”

“Don’t lie to me, Stiles.” Allison says. “You thought that was cool.”

“Well, of course I thought it was cool.” Stiles grumbles. “It just should have been a _clue_ , is all I’m saying.”

“Poor baby. Hold on, I’m getting Lydia on conference call.”

“Yes, because having Lydia Martin on hand to judge my dating failures is exactly what I need.” …but Stiles waits anyway until the line beeps and Lydia comes on.

“Stilinski, the first rule of surviving a bad date is to escape through the kitchen. There’s always a service entrance where they receive deliveries that lets out onto a backstreet.” Lydia says flat out. “Fewer witnesses, which you would have _known_ if you’d come to me instead of Allison. What did you wear?”

“Cotton peasant blouse, a trench jacket, tweed pencil skirt, over-the-knee socks, and riding boots.”

“So, basically you went as Gwen from ‘The Amazing Spiderman’.” Lydia’s eyeroll is almost audible.

“Hey, I know my audience!” Stiles protests because she’d managed to sneak that one right by Allison. It is entirely unfair that _Lydia_ is the one to catch the Geek Culture reference. “Besides, I looked cute.”

“Pics or it didn’t happen.”

“I took one!” Allison volunteers, that _traitor,_ and is already texting it to her. “I let it slide because it really was a good look on her, especially once the curlers came out.”

“Hmmm.” Is Lydia’s noncommittal response. “The headband isn’t awful, but you really need bangs… and maybe some highlights. Still, not bad for a first try.”

“Who says this is my first try?” Stiles is glad no one is around to see her blush at that blatant, blatant lie. The last time she tried something like her mini-makeover with Allison was when she used to play dress up with her mom’s makeup.

“We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten, Stilinski.” Lydia deadpans. “I know everything you’ve been up to. Including your little walk of shame down Main Street. What happened?”

“Do I have to?” Stiles buries her face in the mane of her rainbow unicorn and whines. “I don’t _wannaaaa_.”

“It’ll be cathartic.” Allison assures her. “The best part of bad dates is picking it apart afterwards with your gal pals. The sooner you tell us what happened the sooner we can get to the part where we tell you what a loser he is.”

That… doesn’t sound too bad, actually. “Fine.” She sighs. “It started okay. The movie was ok. Nothing really happened until we got to the restaurant afterwards.”

“You mean the part where you actually have to talk to each other?” Lydia guessed.

“Yeah, that would be the problem.” Stiles groans. “He ordered for me when we got to the counter. Didn’t even ask what I wanted, just straight up said ‘She wants the #2 without chili’. Then we sat down to eat, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. _I_ couldn’t. I was sitting there, listening to him rant about–I don’t really know- something about how global banking and the gold standard are out to screw us all over through student loans, and I’m thinking ‘is this what it’s like to be Scott?’”

“I doubt it.” Lydia says. “McCall likes it when people tell him what to think. So where did you pick this loser up?”

“ _Oi_.” Allison mutters. “Lay off my ex.”

“Hell no. Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“Stiles; about stuff that don’t include Scott.” Allison bites back and _wow_ , Allison and Lydia are kind of mean when there’s no one else around. A lot of Stiles’ illusions are getting crumbled tonight. She thought they existed in a perpetual state of Disney movie soundtracks while they braided each other’s hair. “So he was a jerk, Stiles. When did you decide you needed to make a break for it?”

“When he opened his wallet to pay our tab I saw a key card for the skeevy Motel 6 on the edge of town and a pair of condoms in the bill fold.”

Even Lydia gasps.

“Oh, he _didn’t_.” Allison gasps.

“Maybe he didn’t, but I wasn’t going to stick around and find out. I excused myself and crawled out the window in the ladies room. Then I waved down one of my dad’s deputies and got a ride to the bus stop.”

“Ugh, okay, you win ‘bad date of the week’.” There’s a rustling over the line that Stiles is pretty sure is coming from Lydia’s end. “Meet up with us after school. We’re getting coffee. You didn’t answer me earlier; where did you find this loser?”

“I don’t want to tell you. You’ll judge me.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I already judge you every single day, why should today be special?”

This… is way too true. “World of Warcraft. We’re in the same guild.”

The telling silence on the phone all but burns.

“Look, he seemed okay online.” Stiles hurries ahead in an attempt to defend herself. “He’s never given me shit for being a girl or treated me differently. I wasn’t expecting him to be such an asshole in person!”

“This explains the Spiderman cosplay.” Lydia chuckles (chuckles!) Stiles is beginning to suspect her of being a closet nerd. “So, what have we learned?”

“Don’t pick up men on the Internet?” Stiles guesses.

“No. Every first date is a risk. The lesson is ‘always have an exit strategy’.” Lydia corrects her. “I’m going to introduce you to my favorite Android app; Fake Call. You go to the bathroom, program in the number you want to have ‘call’ you and then set the timer. You go back to your date and when the phone rings, pretend it’s your dad then make your excuses. It’s a graceful exit because he can’t call you on it.”

“… I cannot believe I didn’t think of that.”

“Better living through technology.” Lydia says sagely.

“Well, the night wasn’t a total bust.” Stiles says without thinking. Really, she should have known better, but it doesn’t stop her. “Derek said I looked good.” She at least has the presence of mind to not add the part where he said she looks better in her PJs and hipster spectacles.

There is dead silence on the line.

Lydia finds her words first. “When did _Derek_ see you?”

Allison, on the other hand, is more familiar with Stiles and Derek’s bizarre relationship. “Did he show up in your room to make you do his bookwork for him again?” She guesses.

“Yup.” Stiles makes a ‘ding, ding, ding!’ noise. “He was waiting when I got home so he got to see me all my post window-escape glory.”

“… and he still called you ‘cute’? Wow.” Lydia whistles. “Although I’m not sure his opinion counts. I’m pretty sure I saw him wandering around the IGA with bloodstains on his shirt the other day. Could you talk to him about that? I’m pretty sure his arrest record has nothing to do with the reason people think he’s a serial killer anymore.”

“That sounds …depressingly plausible.” Stiles rubs her eyes. “Maybe I’ll mention to Erica that Derek needs to pass inspection before he leaves the woods.”

“I can see her volunteering for that.” Allison allows. “Not 100% sure of her ability to enforce it though.”

“It’s easy; you just have to shame him a little.” Stiles has done this on many occasions. Mind you, the only time she’s ever really gotten him to change into something that isn’t a semi-clean henley identical to the one he just took off was that time when she got him to strip for Danny and change into a series of her dad’s shirts. “Maybe a lot.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who has ever managed to pull that off.” Allison sighs. “Wait, Derek _knows_ about your date?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Oh. Well, that’s not good.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles asks, but no one ever explains.


End file.
